Pushing Back On Pushy Waitstaff

Having just passed through US customs in Toronto, I likely had a harried look on my face (Is it just me or is everyone disproportionately scared of immigration officers). When I sat down at an airport restaurant, I heaved a sigh of relief, however, I was not prepared for the waiter to ask what beer I would like. I looked at him strangely, I thought perhaps my husband had requested a beer and I had missed the exchange, but no, neither of us had. I responded that I didn't want one, but my husband likely did, then, he laughed and said, “Yeah, come on, what beer would you like?” He was joking. It was supposed to be a jovial waiter customer interaction.

12 months ago, I would have thought that he was a very astute bar tender who deserved a degree in body language. I would have been impressed with his suggestion and asked for the biggest beer he had available. At that time, just on five-months Alcohol free and being strong in my resolve, I was able to joke with him.

A couple of months ago, in my early sobriety, sitting in an airport with that exact same interaction, it would have been a very different story. That would have been enough to tip me over the edge. It would have been very easy for me to have said, “Yeah, I'll have a beer,” even though I really didn't want one, and it would have undone a lot of hard work. For me, it wasn't a matter of life and death if I had taken a drink when I had decided not to but for many people struggling with alcohol use disorder, a similar interaction could have led to a relapse that they never come back from.

It got me thinking once again how our society glorifies imbibing alcohol, the waiter actually said, “You're in an airport, you can drink whenever you want,” a sentence that has passed my lips far too many times. I said with a smile on my face but with a determined tone, “I actually don't drink,” and left it at that. However, there are many people, which could have that interaction, could have turned them down the path to a downhill spiral.

It became even more interesting when he returned with the drinks and deliberately put the beer in front of me and the diet coke in front of my husband, another massive temptation. I was very grateful for the fact that I was feeling very strong in my alcohol free lifestyle that day. I was also grateful for the number of times I'd been in airport since choosing to be alcohol free, I know I would have been a lot more tempted three months ago and this reinforced that every single time I go in to a difficult situation, I am getting stronger. My ability to laugh this off is proof, but I don't think we should have to justify the reasons why we're not drinking.

It was the second time on this trip I have had to be clear with a pushy waiter. I encountered a similar situation when I was in a town in the middle of Canada. The waitress said that she was out of non-alcohol beer (which by the way, seems to be a rather common occurrence, you never hear that you're out of heavy beer or wine). She said she had an alcohol-free cider. I confirmed that it was alcohol free as she had attempted to give me a vodka and soda that contained alcohol. She was adamant that it was alcohol free but when she served it to me, I had to show her on the can that it was, in fact, not alcohol-free and it was 5% alcohol. At that time, there was a small part of me that fleetingly thought, "Maybe, I should drink this. What's stopping me? The universe is conspiring for me to have a drink today." The fact that I had to prove to this lady that it wasn't alcohol-free (pointing to the writing on the can) was a concerning and a lot of people would not be quite so strong. My message is be strong, be aware, be vigilant you are in charge of your sobriety not anybody else. These situations both seem laughingly unlikely but rest assured they did happen, the temptations are everywhere and it's up to you to have a plan to counteract them.