Feel it to reduce fear

Long Haul flights are anxiety inducing for a significant portion of the population. According to a recent article by Stratos Jet charters Between 33% and 40% of all people experience some form of anxiety when it comes to flying. I am one of these people, this is not complete Aviophobia where there is a complete debilitating panic state which prevents me from travelling hell I did FIFO (fly in fly out) mining work for 2 years. I do not believe that the plane is going to fall out of the sky or that I will experience a terrorist situation but I have a strong sense of claustrophobia that falls over me unexpectedly and I have many years of numbing this anxiety with alcohol. I am willing to overcome a lot of adversity for the reward of travelling and one of those things is enduring long haul flights.

I have set myself a goal of travelling for 4 months and remaining alcohol free. I was feeling strong at 128 days alcohol free when I boarded the flight from Sydney to San Francisco and then the familiar tightening of my throat, drying of my tongue overcame me as I walked down the aisle to my row 47 seat in the bowels of the jet. As I passed the middle galley my eyes locked on a baby being tended to by a male who I assumed was its father in row 46…..SHHHIIIITTTT..….my worst nightmare was becoming a reality the one thing more likely to trigger a panic attack than a long haul flight is a baby near me on a long haul flight. That piercing cry they do when they are frustrated, hungry, ears are pressurising it is literally like fingernails down a blackboard for me. There is a very real risk that I will pull the emergency lever if subjected to that for 20 minutes let alone 14 hours. Breathe Jade breathe, unpack your things, set your self up for a pleasant flight, kindle, air pods, socks, jacket smile at my husband ask it he needs anything from the bag before I sit down in the aisle seat of the middle section of the plane directly behind the young terrorist who will single-handedly ruin this flight for me.

Then it hits me…….like a freight train….Noooo alcohol, nothing to dull the pain, nothing to look forward to taking the edge off. Maybe I could just have one wine when we take off just the one… for medicinal purposes, no you can’t give up before you get started Jade, you can do this. This spiralling self-talk continues for half an hour while I pretend to read my kindle but succeed in only rereading the same page without processing the words. I close my eyes and allow my breathing to become my single point of focus, slowing everything down making the situation seem a bit more manageable. I slowly open my eyes and am greeted by the baby peering around the seat with a big smile on his face. Eager to keep this positive energy flowing through the little fella I give him the biggest cheesy grin possible, and he starts to giggle and my forced smile transforms into a genuine grin back at him.

I have been subconsciously processing of some public announcements from the flight staff and become aware that we are 30 minutes late for take off due to the need to replace a part of the radio controller. They are “asking around” Sydney airport to see if anyone has the part available. Seems somewhat of a long shot to me but being the queen of positivity and the fact, I have no other choice I go along with the charade. Interestingly at some point I become enveloped by a reassuring sense of calm and look around the plane. There is a young woman being attended to by the flight crew. She is crying and experiencing a panic attack, I take the time to give thanks that my sense of panic was not that intense.

I sat with my feeling of anxiety until it passed – about 20 minutes I reckon and then things slowly got better, my jaw released, my heart rate slowed and I settled into the flight, at least I would have if the part had been found. Instead, we had the privilege of having a drink and a snack on a stationery plane until 3 hours passed and we were allowed to disembark. The baby had still not made a sound!

While I was waiting in the line back at the airport to be allocated a night’s accommodation in Sydney and a $90 food voucher, I had a lot of time to reflect on the flight that wasn’t.

Had I been drinking I would have been thinking about when I would have my first wine from before I stepped on the plane I would have been frustrated with the lack of that calming elixir coursing through my body. Every announcement would have meant I was further away from the first drink increasing my anxiety. I would not have 128 days of dealing with wine o’clock cravings to draw on, I would have been at the mercy of the situation waiting for the only cure I knew, alcohol, to help me.

I now know that Alcohol does not reduce anxiety, it is an anaesthetic that numbs everything and therefore makes it harder to “sit with feelings” as it stops feeling. Being able to sit with the feeling of anxiety and not respond to the trigger with taking a drink has made that “Flying-Alcohol” neural pathway a mm more shallow. The next flight should be a little bit easier at least I only have 24 hours to test my theory